Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
