I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
