I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He felt like a one man threesome
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
