ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
