she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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