I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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