I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
