Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
