It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
