i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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