Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
