I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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