when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
