I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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