either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
