So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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