can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
