there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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