He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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