We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
