It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
