Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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