peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
