it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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