do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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