My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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