Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
