The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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