But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My nipple is on Facebook.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
