it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think I am morally bankrupt
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
