i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
