dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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