Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
