will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
