they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
