im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
