I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
