I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
