He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
