i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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