did you get engaged???
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
