Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
