its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
