i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
