I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Less talking, more tequila
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
