beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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