somebody snuck up and got me drunk
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
