R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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