i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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