Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
