Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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