we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
