FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
