I just pynch a tree in the face
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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