She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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