Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
